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  • AutorenbildThe Mutti

Living la Vida Corona



Right now, I feel like living Alanis Morrisette’s song Ironic. Who would have thought, that it should not be the third world war but a virus, a pandemic, which would bring our way of living down. It is not only showing us to what globalization is actually about but also forcing us to rethink so many things as so many people show the very worst of “humanity”. While the situation is similar in many parts of the world and while I try to remain as hopeful and positive as possible, I’m quite outraged and about what is happening in Germany. I kept wondering whether I should write this post in order not to offend sensibilities but at the same time, in this time of social distancing, I need to communicate and I have a lot to say, so much that this is already the second time I write this post after losing the first draft when I was almost ready. And surprisingly, at the end, there is a positive note.


Yes, I am very disappointed of what I’m seeing here, in Berlin, in the whole country. Covid-19 is killing thousands of people around the world, especially in Europe, where Italy and Spain were caught with the pants down and decided too late to handle. When things started to look worrying in Germany, I was almost sure that if there was a country with a population reasonable and prudent enough to manage the crisis, it would be Germany. But who would have thought, it figures that many people here seem to not take things seriously.


They seem not to care about the people dying in countries not far away from us, whose relatives are not even allowed to say a last good-bye. Many people here don’t think that could happen to them. After all, they do not belong to the risk groups. And those who are, the elderly, prefer to go sunbathing at cafés and restaurants crowded with people who can put them at risk. I picture the elderly as the respectable gentlemen in Titanic who would rather die with dignity. They think because they are older they are right in whatever they choose to do and say, asking for respect but neglecting the rights of the other. When scientists and government institutions started the social distancing campaigns in order to flatten the curve of infections by closing schools, daycare facilities, universities, cinemas and clubs and sent all who could to home office they seemed to understand “hurray, we’re on vacation”. No one complained about sitting or standing close together to get some ice cream and food in the sun. No one seemed to care about the fact that each one was putting the other at risk. They seemed to read the warning as alarmism and as an opportunity to show how arrogant and selfish they could be.


It is too ironic, since many of them are those who complain in public transportation and public elevators when children or someone else surpases the borders of the seats. Those are the ones who claim almost a square meter in the elevators and ask me when they see me with the stroller to stay outside because they need their private space. People who could easily walk up the stairs but rather prefer to yell in front of the children because they own the space. It is ironic to see how medical assistants greet acquaintances who enter the gynecological practice I visited some days ago with hugs and kisses instead of being exemplary. And it is ironic going out of that practice and basically hurry to arrive at home, which is only a block and a half away, and see a group of about ten adults on the playground across the street happily playing ping pong. Then you see empty supermarket shelves everywhere, people hoarding whatever they find on their way. Store employees have complained in the newspapers of being badly treated and yelled at because there was no toilet paper, even though, they are one of the people they need to be protected the most, since they are exposing themselves to infection for us not to die of famine and be able to have soap to wash our hands. The bad ass female influencer Franzi Hardenberg is trying to make people become conscious of how bad Covid-19 is by sharing videos of her friends in quarantine around the world. And last but not least, the Chair of Council of the World Medical Association, Frank Ulrich Montgomery, complained in Maybrit Illner’s Talk Show with much regret that it is the younger generations who are spreading the virus due to the lack of responsibility by saying “they are our children. This is how we educated them”.


In that moment I cannot help but wonder why is it so difficult for them to comply with very clear instructions which were taken with the sole aim of taking care of their own health? Why is it so difficult for people to understand that we are not on vacation and stay at home taking care of themselves? Why is it that neither scientists’ nor Angela Merkel’s advice is enough to make them understand? Why is this all about mere egotism? What is wrong with staying at home for a short period of time in our lives in favor of the community and the functioning of the health and sanitary system? What are we teaching our children? Or, is this what you want to teach them?


It is ironic because Germans have a reputation of moralizing people everywhere they go, either within or beyond their borders. Many of them like to boast of better conduct and sophistication. I seriously try to understand why in the world so many of them have opted to go against their self-titled qualities. Why they act so selfish, why they hoard everything. Then a former teacher of mine at the German School in Barranquilla reminded me of the fact that many of them still carry traumatic memories of the world wars and are afraid of scarcity, losing any sense of solidarity. Point taken. But hey, shouldn’t be times of crisis the ones for people to actually show solidarity? And another thing: are the younger generations actually moved by that feeling? Should not be they the ones to teach the world about social cohesion? Then why is it so hard to stay at home?


By this time you are probably wondering, why then, I happen to live in this country if I have so much to complain. Well, although I’ve been living here for almost twenty years, it took my two children and a pandemic to get my reality check. There are many things that work here very well. And I’m happy to live here for the better education of my children, the liberty to (still) be able to move around in safety. Here I fell in love and started a family. And I am very much aware that where I come from things are too messy and the health system never could cope with this crisis due to bad policies and so much corruption. I already am quite worried about the well-being of my entire family and what the less privileged await.


Don’t get me wrong. I am far from being perfect. But I prefer and have decided to take social distancing and a lockdown in the best way possible. I use to complain a lot about being lonely as a mom in this country. We are a family of four living very far away from any relative and our friends and acquaintances are spread throughout the entire city and the country. So, in our family life it is me and my husband keeping the balance between children, work, household and our relationship. When our first son was born, we realised that it would be only us in charge of their education and I decided that I should stay at home as long as the children needed it. I also realised that there was almost no alternative since there is little chance for moms to re-enter working life and if you do, you’d be judged for leaving earlier or not coming to work in order to take care of a sick child or being asked where your kids are while you work. The German society is still very patriarchal and makes little effort in changing the distribution of roles and care work. I guess because the old white men are afraid of what women are capable of. So for many families with no help, like ours, it is better to decide that the man brings the food home. I struggle a lot with this but I try very hard to enjoy the time with my kids and see it as a gift. This winter was the first real one of our toddler and he has brought any kind of viruses home. Therefore I have been in an intermittent lock down since November. I would be lying if I said that I don't get angry when I see that I won’t have any time for at least writing a blog post. Last week not only our toddler fell sick again. My husband and I also caught a cold and he was not feeling like going to the office to possibly infect his colleagues. He decided to stay at home, and since the situation with Covid-19 started to escalate, we decided that our pre-schooler would also stay at home. So we started our self imposed quarantine more than a week ago and it felt and feels right. I have to say that I am really enjoying this time and I embrace it as an opportunity to bond. For me it is not house arrest but something I have been doing since I became a mother. I embrace it so much because this enables us as a family to spend so much time together, something we have to reduce to only two hours in normal life. I don’t know how long it will remain so peaceful but I can only recommend not to stress about it.


On the other hand, I decide to stay at home because since my last pregnancy, I developed a light asthma out of stress and since then, every time I get sick my cough mutates into a bronchitis. Therefore I don’t want to expose myself to infection. And since I was sick last week, I did not want to accidentally infect someone else. I decided to leave the house only for the necessary.


Last week, an elderly acquaintance sent me an article per WhatsApp implying that fear is the actual disease, not the pandemic, and that we all rather should boost our immune system and trust alternative medicine. I thought it was a bad joke and saw myself replying in the most friendly way possible by saying that the article was rather irresponsible. What is happening in Italy for instance is not alarmism but factual and I cannot understand how people here still can walk around as if nothing was happening, especially the people at risk, including this person. I tried to explain once again that social distancing does not aim at making panic but foremost at taking care of the entire population and health system and flattening the curve, in order to properly treat the patients in real need, including those suffering other diseases or major accidents apart from Covid-19. I told that we are not afraid nor are we totally dumb and selfish to hoard. But since my cousin and a dear mom friend work in hospitals both in Berlin and Brandenburg, I have first hand knowledge of how bad the working conditions of doctors and nurses are and had worsen due to this crisis. And therefore we stay at home out of respect to them. So this is not only about solidarity toward your neighbor but toward the entire medical staff which has to deal with this and other horrors everyday. And on the other hand, what is wrong with being afraid. To be honest, I am afraid that me and the kids won’t be able to see my parents this year if the situation keeps people away from traveling. I wish my kids, especially my toddler, the joy of celebrating Christmas in Colombia, for maybe the last time before things get serious at school for my older kid.


These times are scary but also precious. Nature is so wise that it is taking what it needs and taking its toll on all of us. It is quite aggressive with this kind of wake up call but it is being effective. This opens opportunities to improve and change the status quo in the German (and other) society in so many levels.


For starters, it is families who are struggling the most showing the need of a more balanced work-family life. Since we all were called to stay at home to flatten the curve, parents have to multiply even more than they already do on a normal day. Now, they are not only working from home but also homeschooling and throwing the household. It is a really exhausting task and life is messier than usual. They deserve more flexibility to arrange working hours and be free to decide if they work from home when a child is sick without getting annoyed looks by the boss and colleagues. That could also help women to re-enter the workforce more easily. After all, our children are the future and it is on us parents to educate them as empathetic humans. That demands time, children and families, as the core of the society, deserve time.


This is a wake up call to strengthen the medical services and the health system. While it has one of the best systems worldwide, Germany is in huge need of medical staff. I wonder how many people are actually aware of that or of the conditions in which physicians work. I wonder what are the reasons for all this? Is the career so unappealing because of the long study time? Or because it is very inflexible? Are the wages that bad for what doctors and nurses provide? What I know for sure is that this is the right time to show all of them how important they are. After all they are the ones sacrificing the most: their health, their families, their time, their rest and, shockingly, the lives of many people in order for others to live and not collapse the system. We are in so much awe and respect to them, something that should prevail after Covid-19 and be reflected in better working conditions and working hours but also in a better offer and areal coverage. That way we patients can feel well treated again and not as part of a production line and families can find enough pediatricians with enough capacities in all districts with enough distancing between patients and shorter waiting time.


This is a wake up call to get serious about and recognize the importance of the fair distribution of care work and gender equality. This sanitary crisis has demonstrated that it is women who keep the society on running. They are doctors, nurses, store employees, they work in sanitary facilities, nursing homes, farmacies, daycare institutions, social service and, last but not least, at home. For this, they (we), too, deserve respect and fair remuneration. After all, in this crisis and everyday, they are exposing themselves the most and surely do it with passion. Therefore, every time you are standing, for instance, in front of a cashier or her colleagues, be kind, smile and thank them for all their effort. They deserve it.


This is a wake up call for employers, either private or governmental, to facilitate working infrastructure for employees by providing more flexibility through digitalisation and dismiss the assumption that good work is only provided from an office from nine to five. People need a better work life balance and respect for their free time. I am also very happy to see how many people, mostly freelancers and women have become very creative in times of Covid-19 and have launched new businesses thanks to digitalisation. Way to go!

This is also a wake up call to be more flexible with electronic payment at restaurants, cafés and stores. Using an electronic bank card everywhere people can easily pay without worrying of not being liquid in cash. And you don’t exchange that many germs and viruses.

This is a wake up call to become more aware of the elderly part of the population, even if they don’t ask for it. They are for sure the ones who fear the loneliness of social distancing the most. If you have older relatives alive, make sure that they are alright and cope with being lonely during social distancing and afterwards. Call them, help them design a daily schedule of activities. Teach them how to use electronic devices and the perks of having one. Drop by books or stuff they like. Make them a YouTube playlist for learning something new. Skype with them or just give them a call. It will make a huge difference.


Last but not least, and maybe most importantly, this is a wake up call to realize how privileged people in this country are. You have a roof above your head, you have food, you work, have friends and family, you live in territorial peace, you live safe. You are healthy and this is what richness is all about.


“Your parents were called to war. You are being called to sit on a couch”. That is really not much to ask. Let’s forget about egoism and focus on solidarity and how we can outgrow this crisis and become better as a society. So keep the distance, stay at home, be thankful for what you have, read a book or watch a movie (if you don’t have small children), prepare yourself or your family a nice meal, drink a quarantini, call friends and family, stay safe and healthy - and be kind.


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